MY FEAR, MY STORY - By Saka Sodiq Olawale

From the lachrymal gland, through my eyes tear ducts,dripping the emotional liquid. I sat at the balcony, staring into space, wallowing in the sadness and lost in thought. This was triggered by ‘what is keeping you from marrying Bimpe?’ asked by a friend.

For this made me remember the discussion I heard with my father years ago.

I was with him, the unlucky man, and my question which stemmed out of curiosity, started his revelation of the hidden story.

‘Daddy, why is mummy always treating you like her disobedient child?’ I asked looking straight into the innocent eyes of my father.

The year was 1993 and I was 8 years old then.
My mother was the husband and the head of my family as I heard from our neighbors, silence used to be the order of the day for my father when my mother was talking to, or nagging at him,  I even witnessed her slapped him once, when he tried a manly action.

“It’s a long story my son” he said as he beckoned to me with his miniature right hand.

I moved closer to him and he poured out to me his sorrowful mind,
“I lost everything for your mother, I lost my parents’ love because they foresaw this calamity.

They went against my marriage with her, but I misjudged their action as tribalism,
as I and her are from opposite poles of the country, so I deserted them, relocated to her city just to end up getting this desert!”

He twitched away from his crippled left leg to balance on his right leg, and he narrated the story of how he thought my mother loved him truly also, of how everything changed after he had an accident, of how he lost his job and spent his life savings on his treatment,
of how he had no say in the house again when mother was financially in charge.
And I couldn't forget how he continued his unfortunate story, saying:

“I can’t remember ever did anything to deserve her change of attitude, for on her I spent my time, my caring and my fortune prior to the unfortunate incidence, and whenever I ask her, she only replayed her sarcastic poem for her invalid husband. ”

He heaved and concluded “my dear little one, I know you are too small to understand, and some things are happening around the world, so big to be seen with little eyes, such is the agony of defenseless men, facing domestic violence, as 'I was bitten by dog'  is fair, but the other way round sounds awful to the wise’ ears. ”

My father died three years later of high blood pressure.

Now I’m 32 years old and afraid to marry the woman I love. Maybe everything would change, the fear would disappear,
Now that I’m sharing with you,
the story_ my story, my fear.

                                                                                    ©Saka Sodiq Olawale, waledtruth